Friday, October 5, 2012

Blog 6

Adjectives out of order

The Ford Torres, dented and old, pulls into the supermarket parking lot. The orange Rosauers sign lights up the empty street in front of it. Heart pounding, mind racing, Doug walks slowly through the front doors.  He plays with the necklace hanging across his chest, a St. Christopher's medal, and runs through the twelve steps in his mind. His feet had a mind of their own however, and he can see the beer coolers coming into view. Heart still pounding, mind still racing, he peers down the long aisle of refrigerators full of that golden magic. Pounding, pounding, pounding in his ears as he reaches for the cool metallic handle.

"Dammit Doug, Dammit Doug" he mumbles under his breath.

He quickly shuts the door and backs away, no beer in hand.

"Don't do this, don't do this." he repeats again and again as he clutches the medal around his neck.

Heart pounding, mind still racing, he rushes out the front doors and into his car, old and abused. Slamming his fists into the steering wheel, he continues to mumble the twelve steps under his breath, a growing mantra in his life. Gears grinding, tires squealing, the old Ford Torres turns onto the highway carrying Doug- heart pounding, mind racing- and a twelve pack of beers.


  1. I like the parallelism you incorporate into your writing while also using the other patterns for the week. The color idea was great! It made it easy to follow and pointed out the different patterns. I wish I had thought of that.
    I really liked your adjectives out of order. Nice description of the car. You made such a simple, little story about an old car and its owner very interesting and even intriguing to read.
    Great use of absolutes in your last sentence especially.

  2. yeah, fun read, Taylor. You only need to review appositives; the rest, good to go!

  3. You definitely gave me a visual image in the back of my mind, from the old run down car to the man who can't resist his urge. My favorite part is the repetition you used "Pounding, pounding, pounding in his ears as he reaches for the cool metallic handle." I found this to be a strong use of participles.